Are you Powerless as a Parent? What to do

Have you ever said, "He just won't listen to me." You are not alone. I've heard parents say this many times. It happens all the time. 

BUT... as a teacher, I was expected to do something. I could not just throw up my hands, saying "He just won't listen," and walk away. I had to do something. That is, if I wanted to keep my job. 

So maybe I can give you some tips. First, take off the word "just" because it sounds like that's the end of it. Do not leave it at that. You are the parent. You need to take care of your child. Include an action. "He won't listen to me, so I'm going to spend some time practicing with him, encouraging him when he shows improvement, and giving him a consequence if he continues to not listen."

Let me take a moment to clarify, when we're saying, "He won't listen," we mean that he won't DO what he should. He may have heard the words, but did not do the right thing. It's the obeying that is not happening. 

Now, you are going to need to do something to change this situation. You may be feeling powerless as a mom or dad. This can happen in our society. We are expected to be so sweet and kind to our kids, which is very good, but, when are we encouraged that we DO have power to make a change?

Think about your child. Who feeds him, gives him clothes, gets him to school, gives him treats, gives him toys, takes him to play in the park, takes him to a friends house? Who buys the groceries, makes the meal, cleans up the table, the dishes, the floor? Who has the money? Who is taller? Who has gone to more years of school? Who knows more about life and about the world? Who knows the rules of society, how to get an apartment or buy a house? Who is there in sickness? Now really, who has the power?

You have the power. The child is dependent on YOU. You are the one with more wisdom, strength, insight, connections, money, and abilities. You can remain a very kind parent, and remove just some of the extra things. You do not have to be at the mercy of a child who does not earn a living, drive, pay bills, or understand so much of life. 

"My child won't listen to me, so I will remove a privilege or an item that is not necessary for basic life." You could remove the privilege of playing outside, using the computer, a trip to the park. Taking away toys (not the special item he sleeps with) for a while, removing special food treats (no cupcakes, no chips or pop, or special meal, just basic, plain food for a meal or two), or even adding a chore can give motivation to the child to do what you say. 

The point here is that you are not powerless. If the child is "not listening" then use something that you have, be reasonable, but change something to motivate the child. You have all kinds of things available to you. Including kindness and encouragement as well as remove something that he likes.

As a teacher I knew I had to take action and make a change. You can, too. You have options and possibilities, way more than listed here. Don't just give up. You are not powerless, that was just a momentary feeling. You have options. You can make changes. You can be in charge.