Incredible Power of Positive Comments to Encourage Good Behavior in Children

Who does not like to receive positive comments? Young, old, and middle-aged all love to hear good things said about them. Children are no exception. While we probably know this, we may not always remember how important kind words are to the development of children and what an incredible difference those positive comments can make to your children and their behavior. 

When I taught first graders I could see this on a daily or even hourly basis. As long as I could have a steady stream of encouragement come spewing out of my mouth, we were all happier. As the teacher I set the environment. Parents set the environment at home. Do you want a negative, discouraging environment where children don't want to obey, or a happy, positive, encouraging environment where children want to please you? Your words make an incredible difference.

Imagine the classroom. Got a picture in your mind? I'm the teacher. I need to teach around 20 children a math lesson. Here's one scenario: "Time for math. Quit bothering him. Don't take so long. I need you here now. Johnny, Susie, hurry up. Stop squirming. Sit up straight Peter. What ARE you doing? What's taking so long, Amy and Tom? We need to start. No, don't do that. James, Patty, get over here."

Oh, my. Can you hear exasperation creeping in the voice of the teacher, but also boredom or frustration in the students?

Try another glimpse: "Time for math. Oh Timmy came so fast. What a beautiful shirt Paul. And Sarah came so quickly, too. Great. I like how you are sitting with your hands in your lap. What a good class! Jason remembered to write his name on his paper. Alex came quickly without bothering others. I see Alex remembered to walk quietly. And Maria did too. Oh, everyone is here, now. Good job, boys and girls."

Don't you just feel so much better hearing all the nice comments? Children do too. They become motivated to do good things. Just think about the comment, "Timmy came so fast." The other children hear Timmy was noticed for being fast. Then guess what. Suddenly several others come fast just then, looking hopeful for a comment about them as well. Maybe you'll mention them by name, they hope. It's just amazing how many children will come at that moment to try to get their names mentioned in a positive comment. The children are happier in a positive environment. 

What if your child doesn't deserve a positive comment? Your child does deserve a positive comment about something. You might just have to search for it. Think about a baby who did not know how to sit up or walk. Children have so much that they are learning. Surely there are many things they are learning to do. If they are not listening in some areas, think of smaller things they might be learning. Make positive comments about how they washed their hands without splashing, stood in line without bumping someone, walked quietly across the room, raised their hand to speak, cleaned their room, waited patiently for a minute, ate carefully today, brought something to you. Did they speak kindly? Did they obey you in even one thing? What is the thing you are trying to teach them to do? Comment on any small progress in the right direction. A kid who hits others can be encouraged if he went 1 hour without hitting someone. If you are really unsure, at least comment on their clothing, toys or even short-term good behavior. 

Watch as whatever you comment on increases. Children need attention. They will seek out attention in any way they can. If you are commenting on how helpful they are, the helpfulness will increase. Make sure to notice and say often how well your children are doing in little things. They thrive with these comments and will seek to repeat that behavior.

Look hard and find something positive to say to a child. Say more positive things than negative comments or directions. Let kind words flow out of your mouth and see what a difference it can make for your child or children. Positive comments always made a world of difference in that classroom. That is... if I remembered to use them. 

Be kind. Say it often. The difference is incredible.