"Mommy, it's Easy for Me," can Turn to Arrogance or Helpfulness with Your Words to Your Child

I was inspired that day by a mother's response to her child. We were out walking behind our home up a fairly steep hill. My friend's two children were out walking ahead of us up the hill. The adults sat down on a few large rocks, and she called her children back to us. 

Her daughter was a brave little girl, though a couple years younger than her brother, she was able to maneuver the hillside with grace and ease. Meanwhile her son was slower. He was diagnosed with autism as a young child, but he was functioning at a higher level than many autistic children. Still though, he was not as coordinated as many children, and more cautious. He was expressing concerns about coming down. 

"I can't do this. It's steep. I don't know which way to go." You could hear the fear in his voice that he was trying to overcome, but it was challenging. Even that he could voice his concerns was real progress for this child. 

As the daughter happily arrived to where we adults were sitting, she announced, "Mommy, it's easy for ME." 

In that moment, I wondered what I would say. This little girl was doing well, and it would be good to encourage her. On the other hand, she was already feeling a bit better than her brother, and who would want their daughter to be arrogant? Would you encourage her? Would you tell her not say that? What would you do?

Her mother, my friend answered without thinking in a way that I felt was very appropriate. How did she think of it so quickly? She said, "That's very good sweetie. I am so glad you are able to do that so well. It's a such a blessing that you can do that. You have this good ability, and now maybe you can use this good skill to be a blessing to others. Maybe you can help someone else with this gift. Somebody needs some help and you can be able to help them. Maybe you could encourage your brother who is a little uncertain. Maybe you can say, "You can do it, brother. Put your foot here. That's good. You're almost there." You can use this good skill to help him, or maybe another time to help someone else. I'm so glad you have this ability. Good job. And the mother turned to the son up the hill and encouraged, "You can do it, son."

The daughter took in the compliments and thought for a brief moment, and headed up to help her brother. Sometimes in those moments a good thought will come to your mind, and I thought how good was this response. The daughter was happy and now helping her brother come down the hill. The brother was a little less stressed with the encouragement. 

Just think how the brother would feel if his sister were rubbing it in. After all, he was older than her by at least a couple years. Age wasn't even a good reason for his greater challenge.

If the mother had tried to say, "he's doing just as good," it wouldn't help because we could all see she was coming down easier, and with more bravery. He was struggling and afraid. The little sister knew she was doing better. Yet, the mother wouldn't want her daughter to turn into an arrogant little girl, always trying to get praise by acting better than others. 

What a good way to respond, with praise and love for both children and giving ways to use a gift, not for arrogance, but for helpfulness. Not denying the fact that the little girl did very well, but using it for a blessing. Now this beautiful little girl was learning to use her lovely gifts and skills to be a kind to others, not greedy, selfish or arrogant. She did get praise, her brother got encouragement as well. They both were working as a team to get him down the hill, rather than envious of each other and divided. 

When your children do well, you might take note from this story. Teach them to use their gifts to bless others around them.