You will always set the behavior limits. Where do you draw your line?

I just don't want to deal with that. It's just a little thing. Maybe it will just go away. Let's just be positive and encouraging.

It didn't go away.

Yes, positive comments are very helpful, but ignoring something is not. 

Where the kids talking too much when it was time to work? Oh, just don't worry about it. Were they too fast in the hallway? Was that comment disrespectful? Were they jostling around in line? Did they talk without raising their hands? As a new teacher, I wanted to just teach. Did I really have to set a limit? It wasn't that bad, after all. Just ignore it. 

But then the problems got worse.

Soon the noise would be too much when it was time to work. They would go faster and faster in the hallway until they were running. They would become more disrespectful and push more and more in line. They'd be talking all the time without raising their hands. 

It would never fail. Behaviors would always continue to get worse until I set a limit. I hated the confrontation, but eventually the confrontation I tried to avoid would certainly come and at a higher level of problems. 

Finally, one day, it dawned on me. You have to set THE LIMIT. You will always have to set the limit. Nobody else will set the limit. The behavior will always grow until you set the limit. Who else will do it? Will the children automatically stop pushing, stop talking, stop running? Will they automatically raise their hands, walk in halls, and be kind to one another? Who was I kidding?! The behavior will continue to escalate until YOU set the limit. 

That was a turning point. I set the limit. I determine what's acceptable and I draw the line. I am the one to communicate that and I am the one to give a reasonable consequence when the line is crossed. They are looking to me to see what's acceptable and what will happen if they don't follow it.

I can delay it, but I cannot avoid it. I set the limit. 

So the question is, "When will I set the limit?" 

I thought I could avoid the problem, but the problem would only get worse. Realizing I was going to have to set the limit finally pushed me to stop avoiding setting the limit. I can set the limit now, while it's small, OR I can set the limit later when it's bigger. I am the adult. I will guide them. They are looking to me. What's my limit? Will it be now at a small level? Or will it be later at a larger problem level? Will I wait until I have chaos? 

I need to set the limit on what's acceptable for the children.

That's not a choice. The choice is when? Earlier at a small level, medium problems, or later after great difficulty?

Then and only then could I realize that earlier and smaller limit setting was much easier. As long as I figured I could avoid it, certainly not taking action sounded easier. But after I realize I will always have to take an action, then the easier answer that was left was the earlier and smaller action. 

Children do not automatically know what's expected. teachers and parents have to teach them the behavior that is needed in each situation. Do you need to wait until children are screaming and running around in your classroom before you set a limit? Do you as a parent need to wait for complete disobedience before you give a consequence? Do you need to wait for a food fight before you teach them to eat properly? Do you wait until they are screaming, kicking and throwing things to teach respect or sharing? 

You do need to set a limit eventually. Only you as the adult who cares for them. Where will you set the limit. 

Smaller is easier. Earlier is easier. 

As a bilingual teacher I had the opportunity to pick up bilingual class students from various classrooms. One classroom would be active, busy, some talking going on. Another class would be calm and quieter with some low talking. Yet another classroom would be super quiet, not a peep, everyone sitting so still. All the classrooms were under control. The students were learning and cooperating. Each teacher had different expectations. In all cases, the teacher had set a limit. ALWAYS the teacher had to ENFORCE the LIMIT. 

So in a classroom where it was super quiet, the teacher was taking action at a very quiet level. Wow. Even a little peep or a whisper and the teacher would take an action, which could be writing a name on a piece of paper to miss a few minutes of recess, or practice the expected good behavior. Such a small sound and there was an action. In another classroom, the teacher would allow some talking and working together. It fit the style of activities in that room. That teacher would not notice such a tiny little whisper that the first teacher did. But all the teachers were setting limits and giving consequences each at their own level of expectation for their style of teaching, Nobody could avoid it.

In a classroom or in a home, the adult in charge will always be setting a limit. You will always need to teach and guide the children and give consequences. 

Don't avoid setting limits. Face it early, kindly, at a low level of problems. Draw your limit at a level you can feel happy. Make your limit a good level for children to learn appropriate behavior in our society. Don't wait for it to be severe. 

It's up to you. They are watching the consequences to know your limit. How noisy do you want your home? How quickly do you want them to obey? Do you want them goofing off at the table? Is it okay to throw things in your home? Do they really have to go to bed? 

You can't avoid setting a limit. Think of your children. What is best for them and for your home? What's best for your classroom or daycare? Make your limit the best and support it with consequences. It's up to you.